Hey,
I've decided to laugh at myself, so here goes!
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An Aussie walks into a Hebrew bar, walks up to the counter and says "Am I a Jew?"
The bartender says, "No."
So the Aussie leaves.
The next day the Aussie walks into the same bar and says in an almost identical way, "Am I a Jew?"
The bartender gets a little irate and says, "No, if you were I would have told you."
So the Aussie leaves.
The next day the Aussie does the same thing and the Israelite gets so mad he says "If you ask me one more time, you might be in trouble with the Palestinians!".
So the Aussie says "Ok." and leaves.
The last day the Aussie, the same Aussie, the very same Aussie, walks into the bar and says "Am I in trouble with the Palestinians?"
"No." says the bartender, finally.
"Oh," says the Aussie. "Am I a Jew?"
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I'm not quite sure whether I have a strength at telling jokes, but if you like this one I will try again in the near future! Those of you who know the joke about the duck will be able to tell where I ripped this from...
You might want to stick with the tried and true... A blind man walked into a bar...
"Owww"
How about this...
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An Aussie is feeling iritated one day and he decides to go see a Rabbi to see if he can't obey some law that will set things straight.
The Rabbi says "You have to obey all the laws."
But the Aussie says "No, that's what iritates me! Tell you what, you give me a law that means I can just focus on one."
The Rabbi says "Jesus said, 'A new commandment I give unto you, that you love one another'".
So the Aussie says "Sure, but what's the rule?"
The Rabbi says "That is the rule: love one another!"
"Ok sure, love one another, but what is the R-U-L-E?"
So the Rabbi says "Alright, try this 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind and your soul'."
But the Aussie gets a bright idea at this point and says "I know, why don't I just love Mick!"
"Who's Mick?" asks the Rabbi.
"Mick, my neighbour," says the Aussie.
"Why not everyone called 'Mick'? " says the Rabbi.
"Oh, Mick wouldn't like that," says the Aussie.
"That won't do," says the Rabbi. "Anyone called Mick could be your neighbour!"
"Sure, but can I do that? Love every Mick, as a rule? Come on! You can't be serious!" says the Aussie.
"Oy Vey!" says the Rabbi. "There is only one rule for you: do something in rememberance of everybody!"
"Sure, I'll just remember my rule!" says the Aussie.
"Which rule?" says the Rabbi.
"The one you're going to give me!" says the Aussie!
Dude, I appreciate your attempts *L* but are you trying to write jokes or parables????
Sorry, your joke is an unknowable parable, or your parable is a joke, ----or---- we have no idea what you are talking about. Please help us to sync to your thoughts.
In Messiah, Shalom. Arley
Ok I guess I am making up funny anecdotes more than anything.
here's one to make you mad
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An Aussie says to a Rabbi "So... when are you coming over?"
The Rabbi says "What? My place is Israel? Yes, Israel!"
The Aussie says "Sure, but that's in the heart, when are you coming over?"
The Rabbi says "Yes, but I have history where I am!"
The Aussie says "Sure, but ours is worse, when are you coming over?"
The Rabbi says "Yes, but Christ is going to reign from here!"
The Aussie says "Sure, I saw Him here the other day, when are you coming over?"
The Rabbi says "But there is war!"
The Aussie says "Sure, we'll help you win Armageddon, but WHEN ARE YOU COMING OVER?"
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For backdrop, it needs to be pointed out that during the decision-making process behind resettling Israel, it was thought that Israel might be able to settle in Tasmania, Australia, where I live (I heard this from a Jew and) that will actually be the dirt under Israel in future (you don't have to accept this if you don't want to, pls do not hassle me about it... remember the anecdote)!
What room did Noah put the woodpecker(s) in?
My wife woke me up one morning laughing. She was still asleep, then she woke up still laughing.
What's so funny?
She dreamed she was watching a tv quiz show. A man won and had his choice of prizes. He chose Miami ocean front property instead of great wealth. They asked him why, and he said it was because of the Bible, the Old Testament, the book of Exodus.
The host looked puzzled and asked him to explain.
The man said that's the most important thing in the Bible; it's what Exodus is all about: WINNING THE LAND!!!
True story!