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When I was a satanist, I would read the Bible and see how loving God was.  Not a mushy love, but a love that I hadn't seen anywhere else on Earth but longed for.

So why is it that now that I am a Christian, my life has been a living Hell.  I feel like Job and Joseph.  I have all sorts of painful health problems that have no cure and are not from anything I caused.  And just as I am better from that, like Joseph, my life goes from bad to worse.  But unlike them, I am a gentile woman.....how can I expect God to bless me like He has blessed them?  

This may seem like complaining, but I believe I have a right to know what the heck God wants with me.  For much of my youth, I was told God puts our desires and passions in our hearts.  So if that is true, then my desire to be a musician and play professionally and also work with audio/visual technology would be something God placed in me.  So why is it that everything in my life is blocking those things?!  I have had all these health problems, especially bad back.....so who wants to hire me for their audio company?  I have not had enough training in audio work....so who wants me to be their sound tech?  I was too sick to play my instruments for a few years as I was literally debilitated by pain.....so who wants to hire me as a studio musician, or join their band?

There is so much more I could get into about how I am at odds with all of creation, as though God put my desires in me and then purposefully blocks my every effort to fulfill them.  But the Bible doesn't show Him to be a sadist.  So what is going on?!  My life sucks, but luckily I don't consider suicide an option.  That would please satan, and that is one thing I will NEVER desire to do.  But I am sick of living this life for sure.  God better make something in my life better, because I am not strong like Joseph!

We live during a time where the idea of "instant fix" is a big part of culture. The instant credit, instant messaging, instant coffee etc, the idea feeds off of we want it now and are made to feel something's wrong if it's not satisfied.

"we want the world and we want it NOW!" (Jim Morrison,The Doors)

Being at odds with all creation is a part of life, none of us know all the exact turns and crossroads ahead, wether they're subduing kingdoms or being sawn in half (Heb 11).

And coming from my pastor's experiences, it's not unusual, it's almost a common thing for some people who first get excited about God, only to find that after, things get worse!

I too feel there are things going way beyond my ablity, when there's an injustice that has no explaination of letting up, that it's always reaching a breaking point. I ask myself:



For the Lord will not cast off forever. 32 Though He causes grief, Yet He will show compassion According to the multitude of His mercies. 33 For He does not afflict willingly, Nor grieve the children of men. 34 To crush under one's feet All the prisoners of the earth, 35 To turn aside the justice due a man Before the face of the Most High, 36 to deprive them of justice-- would not the Lord see such things? (Lam 3:31-36)

Bassgirl, Shalom in Messiah's Love.

Others may be able to guide your needs with scripture.  I can only relate what I understand in my heart.  I, too, have had severe health problems associated with my 'true' acceptance of God's Love through Messiah, Emmanuel.  

God didn't, and doesn't promise me 'smooth sailing,' in my life, nor for my decisions I have made in life, be they wrong, or my 'lifesaving' choice to be His son.  He does, however, guarantee me a safe arrival, in the harbor of his Love and protection. You too!  

You picked two excellent examples to quote similitude with, Job, and Joseph, both suffered greatly, but for different reasons.  Focus on your love for Messiah, use oral reference to His Grace and Love as frequently as you can.  Praise Him, and pray for His guidance, strength, and protection, from Satan.  It is from Satan you suffer, by Satan, for abandoning Satan.  He does, still, own this world, and have the power to punish you for abandoning his corrupt system of hatred of God.

I found that when I did what I just said, Satanic influence in my life became less and less, and with Messiah's strength, I now praise God for Satan's attacks, because his attacks prove to me that I made the perfect choice.  You can too, but that leads me to another problem I see in your plea.

Give up what 'you want,' plead, and pray for what Messiah wants.  If he wants you to play music for a living, you will make a living, maybe not become an idol, but make a living.  Since you have not received assistance with your music career, perhaps you should stop, wipe the tears from your eyes, and look around.  Your answer could easily be standing closer than you think.  

Sorry, if I sound like I am preaching.  What I say, I say, with the Love Messiah has given me to share, and the guidance He helps me espouse through my fingers, on this keyboard.

Pray, please.  I/We will also pray, and ponder.  Perhaps Messiah will give us even better advice and support to offer.  Keep your heart open to us, so we can be of Solace

In Messiah, His Shalom, to you, and to one and all.  Arley

Dear sister I am moved by your words ,I will pray for You that god will make you stronger in your spirit .

I remeber some one wrote me once this :
Compare what was happening to the literal Jews during that time, first they were rounded up and put into various camps as captives of the evil Hitler.
*Note: Even though they were captives of the evil Hitler they still remained Jews just the same way the spiritual children of God are captives to satans wiles they are still Gods spiritual children. No more than the Jews were Hitler’s prisoners because they were his captives are they considered anything but Jewish children. They where separated from their rightful place and land only but never lost their identity.  Compare this thought with the fact that spirit begotten Christian children of today have been rounded up and put into religious camps or various organization (Nominal and Truth Groups as well!) and held captive by Satan’s false light and truth in the same way today as then. The warfare we fight today is against evil spirit forces in high places and the goal is not to prove satan wrong, we already know he is our enemy, but the goal should be to help set our captive brethren free.
Luke 4:18  THE SPIRIT OF THE LORD IS UPON ME, BECAUSE HE HATH ANOINTED ME TO PREACH THE GOSPEL TO THE POOR; HE HATH SENT ME TO HEAL THE BROKENHEARTED, TO PREACH DELIVERANCE TO THE CAPTIVES, AND RECOVERING OF SIGHT TO THE BLIND, TO SET AT LIBERTY THEM THAT ARE BRUISED

, once again the call goes out but to the spiritual captives of Christendom in the entire world

Revelation 18:4  AND I HEARD ANOTHER VOICE FROM HEAVEN, SAYING, COME OUT OF HER, MY PEOPLE, THAT YE BE NOT PARTAKERS OF HER SINS, AND THAT YE RECEIVE NOT OF HER PLAGUES.

You basically have the same picture of what the evil one did to the literal Jews during the Holocaust period that he is doing to the spiritual children of God today. He has made them captives to error and divided them by their beliefs and loyalties in the hopes of destroying their faith in Christ as their source for truth and light. Separation from Christ in spirit and being held captive by satan is about as close to death for a spiritual being as one can get. Almost every Christian today is held captive by a religion or loyalty to a man and his version of truth, when his/her faith should be directed towards Christ for all truth needed to nurture the spiritual child inside each of us who are true Christians.

Bassgirl,

The answer is not an easy one, if it could be answered at all.

What I will tell you though, is that you should be very thankful for what you DO have. I know it is difficult to see other peoples struggles, but we ALL have something that we struggle with.

There is a great book called "Life is a Test", and it certainly is. How could we ever get stronger if we don't overcome things?

For example;
If you want to be a more patient person, how can you achieve that?

You have to be tested! Your patience has to be TESTED in order for you to overcome it.

Some people have greater tests than others. G-d knows what we can handle.

Here is something I carry around with me.

I asked for strength, and G-d gave difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom, and G-d gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity, and G-d gave me brawn and brain to work.

I asked for courage, and G-d gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for love, and G-d gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favors, and G-d gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted.
I received everything I needed.
My prayers were answered.

I hope it helps!

Don't EVER GIVE UP!!!

You say :
So why is it that now that I am a Christian, my life has been a living Hell.  I feel like Job and Joseph.  I have all sorts of painful health problems that have no cure and are not from anything I caused.  And just as I am better from that, like Joseph, my life goes from bad to worse.  But unlike them, I am a gentile woman.....how can I expect God to bless me like He has blessed them?  

Dear sister  I have 3 children ,2 are ill .
One has cancer he was just 16 years ,my doughter is mental handicapt .
I myself lost my father at the adge of 14 ,he killed himself .
My mother was always depressed and every time she went into hospital because of her depresions .
I had to take care of my own live as I was a child of 14 my self .
Live to me was not easy but still  ....
Remeber this sister His love for you is so much greater .
He wants to be your father ,to put his arm around you ,to tace your pain.
on him .

I know for I was there my self ,dont give up ask Yeshua to help you
He will  find you  and tell you what he wants from you .

yours

Anja

And coming from my pastor's experiences, it's not unusual, it's almost a common thing for some people who first get excited about God, only to find that after, things get worse!


[/quote]

Amen brother
So we come to the question how do such spiritual captives find freedom? First we must by faith place ourselves back in Christ care. That’s easy for by faith we are set free.
John 8:36  IF THE SON THEREFORE SHALL MAKE YOU FREE, YE SHALL BE FREE INDEED. Once free, liberty gives you opportunity to pursue truth with your Lord as teacher and provider of the only light you need. John 4:23  BUT THE HOUR COMETH, AND NOW IS, WHEN THE TRUE WORSHIPPERS SHALL WORSHIP THE FATHER IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH: FOR THE FATHER SEEKETH SUCH TO WORSHIP HIM. James 1:25  BUT WHOSO LOOKETH INTO THE PERFECT LAW OF LIBERTY, AND CONTINUETH THEREIN, HE BEING NOT A FORGETFUL HEARER, BUT A DOER OF THE WORK, THIS MAN SHALL BE BLESSED IN HIS DEED. John 3:21  BUT HE THAT DOETH TRUTH COMETH TO THE LIGHT, THAT HIS DEEDS MAY BE MADE MANIFEST, THAT THEY ARE WROUGHT IN GOD. Matthew 4:4  BUT HE ANSWERED AND SAID, IT IS WRITTEN, MAN SHALL NOT LIVE BY BREAD ALONE, BUT BY EVERY WORD (*This is your spiritual food!) THAT PROCEEDETH OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.

The only spirit that can be one with you in all things pertaining to God and his plans for man and you is the Holy Spirit of God. Satan is limited in keeping one captive and once faith is returned to Christ he cannot harm that spirit child again as long as that child remains by his father’s side and within his fathers Holy spirit. Galatians 5:25  IF WE LIVE IN THE SPIRIT, LET US ALSO WALK IN THE SPIRIT. Zechariah 4:6  Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, NOT BY MIGHT, NOR BY POWER, BUT BY MY SPIRIT, SAITH THE LORD OF HOSTS. John 10:28  AND I GIVE UNTO THEM ETERNAL LIFE; AND THEY SHALL NEVER PERISH, NEITHER SHALL ANY MAN PLUCK THEM OUT OF MY HAND.
John 10:29  MY FATHER, WHICH GAVE THEM ME, IS GREATER THAN ALL; AND NO MAN IS ABLE TO PLUCK THEM OUT OF MY FATHER’S HAND.

Navyblue say: You picked two excellent examples to quote similitude with, Job, and Joseph, both suffered greatly, but for different reasons.  Focus on your love for Messiah, use oral reference to His Grace and Love as frequently as you can.  Praise Him, and pray for His guidance, strength, and protection, from Satan.  It is from Satan you suffer, by Satan, for abandoning Satan.  He does, still, own this world, and have the power to punish you for abandoning his corrupt system of hatred of God.

I found that when I did what I just said, Satanic influence in my life became less and less, and with Messiah's strength, I now praise God for Satan's attacks, because his attacks prove to me that I made the perfect choice.  You can too, but that leads me to another problem I see in your plea.
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Beautifull said , you are right we must focus on Yeshua Spirit ,his love .

Ephesians 6:16  ABOVE ALL, TAKING THE SHIELD OF FAITH, WHEREWITH YE SHALL BE ABLE TO QUENCH ALL THE FIERY DARTS OF THE WICKED.
Jeremiah 42:11  BE NOT AFRAID OF THE KING OF BABYLON, (*Spiritually speaking of satan “ the king of Babylon”) OF WHOM YE ARE AFRAID; BE NOT AFRAID OF HIM, SAITH THE LORD: FOR I AM WITH YOU TO SAVE YOU, AND TO DELIVER YOU FROM HIS HAND.

Amen

*Be wise and believe and do the work of Christ on his behalf for the love of him and your brethren.

John 6:29  Yeshua answered and said unto them,
THIS IS THE WORK OF GOD, THAT YE BELIEVE ON HIM WHOM HE HATH SENT.

Acts 13:41  Behold, ye despisers, and wonder, and perish: for I WORK A WORK IN YOUR DAYS, A WORK WHICH YE SHALL IN NO WISE BELIEVE, THOUGH A MAN DECLARE IT UNTO YOU.


Revelation 22:12  And, BEHOLD, I COME QUICKLY; AND MY REWARD IS WITH ME, TO GIVE EVERY MAN ACCORDING AS HIS WORK SHALL BE.

The time is short and the door will soon close so be wise and follow your Lord and listen to his voice.
Be strong and put your trust in him alone .

I must say that I don't have real answers for you...
I'm not even Christian, and I write from the country of milk and suicide bombs.

All kind of things where promissed, all kind of wars we got, but It takes a while till there is real Peace. What can we do?
My life realy sucks also in most things. I don't have the profession eather that was in my heart etc. But we have to go on with all the people around us who might have other problems and smile back...

But to see it in a Christian way... Jesus might also have thought, now I'm working in my fathers carpentershop for years, he's not even my real father, how can I explain that to the world arround me.., while I suppose to be preaching to people...  

Allthough we are not strong, we will win, and find other ways to contribute to our nearest people arround us. Bless you and stay strong... but also take a rest when necessary

Bassgirl, I heard this years ago, and although humorous, there is a definite element of truth in it.

"Satan never bothers you as long as you are going in his direction; it's when you turn around that you bump into him."

But it's equally true that he is used to make us press in more, once we are going in the right direction. The fact of the matter is, that our faith is like a muscle and must be exercised to get bigger and stronger. An army that has never been tested in battle, is weak and inexperienced.

But He told us to be of good cheer because He overcame the world, so there is nothing so big that we cannot overcome it with Him. We are more than conquerors.

As someone who has gone through many severe storms in life, let me tell you the key is to keep focused on Him and His Word, keep your nose in it every available minute, literally eat, drink it, and sleep it. When nothing the enemy can do will distract you from being single-eyed, you'll find you're not nearly as much 'fun" to him as you used to be. This is constructive resisting, and why it says to resist the devil and he will flee.

And the number one blessing in this resisting, is that it draws you closer to Him, which is what He wanted all along (and you too!) Blessings to you.....