06-16-2007, 04:25 PM
DavidJ inspired me with his last post. The world is going loony. Nothing important is news in America (England?) anymore. Okay, well, except for the Paris Hilton thing, which has socio-political implications that could cause major civil strife here in Los Angeles . . . Oh, and Larry Birkhead who was a big nobody until he broke one of God's commandments with Anna Nicole Smith. Very Important stuff that, and it let's us show near-pornography on regular tv as a bonus.
So I thought I'd do a news preview as tribute to the modern network news with headlines ripped straight out of the future, sort of. By the way, please don't envision Katie Couric as the anchor. Apparently, some rather liberal ex-journalists believe only men can anchor the news. Who knew?
[Cue dramatic, staccato music]
Coming up later on the 12 O'Clock News:
Damascus is permanently destroyed . . . [video from space of small mushroom cloud forming in Syria a la Roadrunner and Coyote.]
Russia joins with Islamo-Fascists against Israel . . . [video of Putin and Imanutjob looking at charts and cool technical things from Hollywood man movies.]
Babylon okay'd to be new world center . . . [video of the Pope and Bono shaking hands.]
Where did all the Christians go? Our very own John Revelator gives his opinion . . . [video of empty streets. video of Capital Hill: everyone's there.]
Weatherman Al Gore will tell us what to expect tomorrow . . . [video cutaway to Al Gore in front of an upside down US map. Gore: "It's going to be hot, hot, hot all over the place. Our special Channel7 Carbon Footprint-0 Meter shows a significant increase of hot air coming from Washington and Tennessee."]
And in tonight's Investigative Report, "Banquet in Heaven," we go under cover to find out if there really will be ham served in heaven as some Christians were claiming . . . [cartoon of Porky Pig in cloudy, heavenly environment running from Revelation320 wielding knife and fork, and lightning bolts flashing all around. Careful viewers will note cartoon cameo of Moishe in the background shaking his head sadly and wishing he hadn't brought up the Porky Pig image to begin with. Even more careful viewers will marvel that Revelation320 is in heaven.]
All this and more at 12 o'clock, right after "Survivor: Worldgonemadalotto" on KGOD Channel 7, The World's Best Source for News. Don't miss us.
[Exit dramatic, staccato music]
Got news?
So I thought I'd do a news preview as tribute to the modern network news with headlines ripped straight out of the future, sort of. By the way, please don't envision Katie Couric as the anchor. Apparently, some rather liberal ex-journalists believe only men can anchor the news. Who knew?
[Cue dramatic, staccato music]
Coming up later on the 12 O'Clock News:
Damascus is permanently destroyed . . . [video from space of small mushroom cloud forming in Syria a la Roadrunner and Coyote.]
Russia joins with Islamo-Fascists against Israel . . . [video of Putin and Imanutjob looking at charts and cool technical things from Hollywood man movies.]
Babylon okay'd to be new world center . . . [video of the Pope and Bono shaking hands.]
Where did all the Christians go? Our very own John Revelator gives his opinion . . . [video of empty streets. video of Capital Hill: everyone's there.]
Weatherman Al Gore will tell us what to expect tomorrow . . . [video cutaway to Al Gore in front of an upside down US map. Gore: "It's going to be hot, hot, hot all over the place. Our special Channel7 Carbon Footprint-0 Meter shows a significant increase of hot air coming from Washington and Tennessee."]
And in tonight's Investigative Report, "Banquet in Heaven," we go under cover to find out if there really will be ham served in heaven as some Christians were claiming . . . [cartoon of Porky Pig in cloudy, heavenly environment running from Revelation320 wielding knife and fork, and lightning bolts flashing all around. Careful viewers will note cartoon cameo of Moishe in the background shaking his head sadly and wishing he hadn't brought up the Porky Pig image to begin with. Even more careful viewers will marvel that Revelation320 is in heaven.]
All this and more at 12 o'clock, right after "Survivor: Worldgonemadalotto" on KGOD Channel 7, The World's Best Source for News. Don't miss us.
[Exit dramatic, staccato music]
Got news?